Why No Sex Before Marriage?
God wants the best for you. Fornication (sex before marriage) is second rate, second best. You must know who you are. You are a human person. That is, you are an individual human being possessing intellect and free will. You are not a monkey or a pig. God calls you to rise above your animal instincts. You CAN do whatever you want, but you MAY not. Perhaps the greatest gift that God has given us is our free will. He takes us so seriously that we can choose self as against God; a choice so radical that it can ultimately end in Hell. Your dignity, because of baptism, is that you are a member of God's family; that makes you His child. You are an heir to a great Kingdom: Heaven. But you are on probation.
Where exactly does Christ say that sex before marriage is wrong?
You are made in the image of God. That is, you have a spirit (an intellect and will) that in some way reflects God because He too is a Spirit. Jesus is God. Jesus calls fornication "evil" (Matt 15: 19). The Bible is the Word of God. God cannot lie because He is all good, therefore, the Bible only tells us the truth. Saint Paul speaks often about fornication in Scripture. Look on Saint Paul as God's messenger. The following, in summary, is what God's messenger says to you regarding sex before marriage: 'Do not be deceived, those who fornicate will not inherit the Kingdom of God'. (See Galatians 5: 15-25, 1 Corinthians 6: 9-20, Ephesians 5: 3-12, 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-8) Princes and princesses, in the presence of their Father the King, act as princes and princesses should.
Chastity is against human nature.
At the beginning of human history God created Adam and Eve with integrity (wholeness, whereby our spiritual soul dominates our lower animal passions). However, since original sin, our nature has been weakened. We can often become slaves to our instincts. God gives us the grace we need to combat this state of affairs. His plan for us is to be in complete control of our bodies all the time. We obtain this grace from praying for self-control, regular confession and frequent reception of Holy Communion.
God is a loving Father. He's not obsessed by sex like the Church!
Most couples who fornicate these days have more than one sexual partner before they marry. This fact has caused the increased spread of Sexually Transmissible Diseases. How could God be a loving Father and permit free-love if it causes his children disease? More than 60% of de-facto couples who marry end up divorcing in the first few years of marriage. How could God be a loving Father and approve of de-facto relationships that mostly end in family break-up? Many young people today are suffering from the intense invisible anguish of a broken heart - some even commit suicide. They have given themselves in sex to someone who has since left them for someone else. How could God be a loving Father and encourage young hearts to be broken through the misuse of sex?
Abstaining from sex before marriage is too difficult.
You have the intellect to know the truth. You have the will to act on it. Chastity is not easy, in fact it is difficult. But, just because something is difficult does not mean it is not worth doing. It is God's will for you as His child to be a full member of His family. You cut yourself off from His grace when you fornicate. Chastity is hard but by no means impossible. The fruits of chastity are: integrity, strength of character, strength of will, self-control, increased inner strength, full membership of God's family, and ultimately Heaven. What could be better than that? Virginity is cool. And, if you fall into sin, get back up immediately, confess your weakness, and start again. You have great self worth. Jesus loves you too much to leave you in sin. It's never too late to start again.
Why can't engaged couples have sex before marriage?
Even if you are engaged to be married, God still wants you to be chaste. If a couple really love each other they will want to protect their love from anything that might jeopardise their future together. Sex speaks the language of commitment, but sex before marriage is breaking the rules and so weakens the commitment of an engaged couple. The best way to ensure your fidelity is to freely lock yourself into a sacred oath whereby you promise God that you will love your future spouse in purity. You give them no better promise of your true and patient love than your chastity before marriage.
Sex before marriage doesn't hurt anybody.
Let's not overlook the devastating effects that are caused in society from fornication. The best start you can give children is to bring them up in a stable loving family of two parents (mum and dad) whose bond of love has been sealed by almighty God in the Holy Sacrament of marriage. This helps to give the child the most loving and secure upbringing possible. Single parent families can still achieve great results but few would dispute that it is better and easier with a mum and a dad. Fornication can and does often result in children of unmarried parents. A cosy 'loving' relationship of two people can and does often result in break-up when pregnancy occurs. Children suffer terribly in this situation. They are often left with only one parent. Or, much worse, they are aborted. It is therefore selfish and short-sighted to base justification of fornication on the love of two when a third much younger person can often enter the equation. Fornication does hurt.
But what if there is no risk of Sexually Transmitted Diseases or pregnancy?
It would be a rare couple indeed who could discount disease or pregnancy. But it still wouldn't be ok. Pre-marital sex inhibits your ability to love truly because it stifles a young person's ability to communicate properly and to think clearly about consequences. It pre-occupies a young person's mind when they should be concerned about the next maths test â€" not the next pregnancy test! It can become all-consuming. It causes guilt â€" even if the couple don't admit it. It can make you marry the wrong person because sex can cause a blindness in one or both parties that causes you to fall in love with a person who is not suited to you. It causes future jealousies and bad memories that can never be totally erased. It can cause sexual dissatisfaction once one is married because of comparing married love with past experiences (you can't miss what you never had). Waiting for and anticipating anything in life always makes us appreciate it more, sex is no different. It doesn't bring a clear conscience because promiscuity can cause tension from fear of 'being caught'. You are jeopardising your salvation because God is very clear on this topic; sex is His gift for the married couple, God said it so that should settle it. You could be the cause of the broken heart of a previous partner. [Pinto, St Joseph's Com.]
How can you remain sexually pure until marriage?
Pray for purity. Frequent the Sacraments. Keep your clothes on and your feet on the floor. Set high standards â€" the person who stands for nothing, falls for everything. Have the courage to leave bad relationships. Value the other person â€" would you want someone else fooling around with your future spouse? If not, then you shouldn't be fooling around with someone else's future spouse. Pray with your date. When tempted, ask What Would Jesus Do? Take a True Love Waits pledge whereby you promise publicly to abstain from sex until marriage. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
Why should anyone listen to the CELIBATE Catholic clergy on sexual matters?
Because one need not engage in an action to become an expert in giving advice about it.
* Please note that this text should be read in the context of the whole work and in recognition of the appropriate paragraphs of the Catechism of the Catholic Church highlighted in the index.